smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
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alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
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I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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