Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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