Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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