Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
