just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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