Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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