Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
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Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
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The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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