there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
