you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
