I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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