Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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