Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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