Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
