cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
