It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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