i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
