if you like me you must not know who I am
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
