I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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