I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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