Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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