I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
