guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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