Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
