how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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