i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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