i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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