I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We smell like vodka and hangover
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