he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
