Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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