hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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