so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
