here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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