Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
