I want to make a zoo with you.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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