nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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