So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
