recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
