he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
