i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
