This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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