you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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