yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
