i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
