Where did you get a picture of my penis
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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