He is an equal opportunity slut.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
