I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
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He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
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The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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