This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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