Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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