worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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