That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
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I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
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her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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