I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
