the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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