Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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