My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
