think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
