sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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