Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
