You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
