toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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