All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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