Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
