the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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