Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
