when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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