I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
