i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
