I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize
