I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I have fence marks all over my body
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
