Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize