I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
