if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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