theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
