I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
