ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
