It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
