I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
