Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
